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To Splatter or Not To Splatter

To Splatter or not To Splatter
A widely disputed topic in real life, and in the digital world of Halo

Should you go for the splatter? A crucial question you might find yourself asking in the heat of battle. Answering this question incorrectly may result in a burning heap of debris that was once your vehicle. You don't want to be a burning heap of debris (jk, yes you do).

When You Shouldn't Go for the Splatter

I know, you might be thinking that there is never a bad time to get a splatter.. but alas, there is. As a general rule, don't go for the splatter if the target is facing toward you with high-profile weaponry such as the rockets, or laser. You will also want to avoid enemy groups of 3 or more. While the triple-kill might seem worth it, odds are that at least one or two of the enemy will dodge your vehicle-like mass. These confrontations are especially risky because of the increased enemy fire, and the grenades.

In bullet point form:
Spoiler: show
  • When the target is facing you, and has high-profile weaponry such as the rockets or laser
  • When target is in a group of 3 or more

Exceptions to the "No Splatter" List

If you find yourself at high speeds tumbling toward a group of enemies, or a particularly well-equipped individual you might consider continuing forward at said speeds. If you're in an open area, or catch the target by suprise, there is a chance that you will be able to pass-by or hit the target.

When You Should Go for the Splatter

Alrighty, now we're getting into the good stuff! ...Think I'll list these out first.
  • When target is on-route
  • Target is unaware of your presence
  • Target is distracted
  • When target (if vehicle) is weakened
  • When you don't have a gunner
  • If you intend to distract

Now I shall explain! First up on the chopping block, "When target is on-route." Vague am-i-rite?
If, and when, your target is "on-route" or on the path that you are currently travelling, you might as well go for the splatter. There is no harm in adjusting your position ever-so-slightly to hit your target. Just be careful that you don't get distracted and run yourself off of the road.
Another wonderful opportunity to grab a splatter medal is when the target is utterly unaware of your looming presence. You can play the hunter's role, while your enemy plays the lovely role of Bambi! They'll never see it coming!!

If you don't understand what I mean by "when target (if vehicle ) is weak" then don't worry! If you read a bit further this will be covered for specific instances.

"When you don't have a gunner." The absence of a gunner can be the result of a bullet to their noggin, a wipe-out that left you separated or your own lack of effort to keep an active gunner. Whatever the case, if you find yourself in such a predicament then it's the perfect time to execute some solo splattering. If anybody asks, the blargs told you to do it.

Lastly, "if you intend to distract." Distractions can be great strategical ploys when executed properly. When done properly your team can pick off the enemy while they are busy shooting up your hog. The disruption of traditional firefights in Halo (mano y mano) with a hog may occasionally disorientate your opponent, making for an easier kill.

HaloWheelmen's signature vehicle, and one of the most commonplace vehicles in Halo. The hog can be a huge tactical advantage when used properly, or a major adherence if not.
Your hog can go up to 75 mph (120 Kilometers per hour) and hold three Spartans.


The hog can withstand small amounts of enemy fire, and at least one fragmentation grenade. The mounted turret can rip through vehicle armor at a decent speed and take down enemy soldiers with concentrated fire.


It is NOT invincible in Matchmaking.

..on to my favorite stuff:

Suicide Run: Taking Down the Wraith

This is tricky. You can't destroy the blargmachine without lots of firepower or close-quarters combat, and you can't take a single dead-on plasma mortar. What I believe to be the best, and only way, to destroy the wraith with a charred, flaming hog is to position yourself on top of the mortar. If the wraith launches a plasma mortar it should hit your hog. The resulting xplosion will kill you and either heavily damage or destroy the wraith.

Suicide Run: Splattering the Enemy Hog

Such a fete is easier said than done. The odds are stacked against you if you intend to take down another hog with your own fiery hunk of metal (warthog).
What you're up against:
  • Warthog Turret that will shoot your hog
  • Warthog Driver who will try to avoid hitting you
  • Enemy grenades and gunfire

The element of surprise is your only advantage. When driving your hog, drive around the major vehicle routes and try your best to nail the enemy hog dead-on.
In the absolute best of circumstances you could communicate with your team to pinpoint the location of the enemy hog and what direction it's headed. That isn't always the case though. If you are running this solo you'll need to count on luck.. Yeah, its not a concrete solution but it's the best you can do unless you've already scouted out the enemy hog on your own.

Suicide Run: Xplosive Distraction

Your primary objective? To distract the enemy. The execution of this operation is at the discretion of the driver. My recommendation is to have a teammate (or more) standing by, available to open fire on the enemy. When executing the "Xplosive Distraction" try to position yourself in the most populated location. If it's a stairwell then drive on in, if it's a mosh pit then join in on the fun!

Suicide Run: The Flying Hog

This is really just for fun.. but it feels great when you get a splatter while doing this. Grab the flaming hog that nobody else wants and start hitting up all of the ramps you can find. Preferably those ramps that lead you toward an unprepared enemy.. not a betrayal.

And remember, nobody EVER expects a flying hog.
Spoiler: show

Yes, the wraith's primary function is the mortar.. or perhaps the little boost thingy that you use to escape dangerous situations or evade incoming missiles but there is in-fact another function to the wraith. It is a splattermonster, and a bus.


You are in a massive, purplish-blue, and heavily shielded monster of a vehicle. You have a plasmo mortar-thingamajiggy (which is not important here), and a pair of boosters (important)! So.. I guess to sum up your advantages one might say that you are heavily armored, heavily equipped, and are, in a general sense, massive.

With size comes weight, and with weight comes slowness. Teh wraith is basically a tortoise with a cannon attached.

Spoiler: show
Oh sarge! You weren't supposed to open this spoiler!!

Pretend that small, insignificant blarg is trying to steal your cookie jar...

OK, I won't kid you. I know nothing about actually using the wraiths mortar. Its kinda like a useless accessory to me.. so onto the splatterguide we go!

Running Over Ants

Just so we're clear, the ants are your enemy.
So how do we go about exterminating said enemy without a mortar? Hmmm.. interesting question.
For starters you should keep yourself in a relatively open area, somewhere with enough space to avoid getting hi-jacked but not so little space that you can't turn around. If there isn't a whole ton of room available then you'll have to keep moving forward because you've got nowhere else to go, and if you do try to turn around in a really bad spot you're making yourself an easy target.
Onto splattering, try to catch your target in the middle of doing something. For instance, if they are walking across the road or perhaps escorting themselves to your base. These are good examples of the perfect time to strike. Of course, this isn't always the case, and sometimes you will find that the blargs chase after you. They are trying to hi-jack your wraith most likely, and the best thing to do (given enough room) is to turn toward them and booooost. They won't be expecting this and in my experience, this works really well. Plus if they manage to hi-jack the front of the wraith (bc you turned around) you will have a wraith mortar prepped and ready to launch. If you fire the plasma mortar before you are destroyed then it should kill the hi-jacker.

A Noble Cause

Just as many Spartans have done before us, we will leave behind nothing salvageable in our wake.
You are equipped with nothing but a purpley-flaming wraith that is all but a pile of debris. In such a state it is of little use to you anymore, so will you leave it laying on the ground for some blarg to take or will you put this heaping mess to use?? I vote put it to use.
But what use could an all-but-dead wraith be you ask! And I answer, the perfect distraction.
Pinpoint a location on the playing field that you would like to go to.. perhaps a local tunnel on Breakpoint or the mid-field of Hemorrhage, and head over there. On say.. Hemorrhage, a pile of wraith can be utilized as cover from those pesky snipers.. or on Breakpoint it could be used to clog up the tunnel. Just use your imagination and see how useful you can make that flaming wraith parked behind your base!

The Batmobile is it's real name, but I'll leave that for another day..
..this bad boy is most widely known for its capability to transport troopers across the playing-field. Unfortunately the mongoose's primary function is often overlooked. Its primary function being to splatter at little cost to the team, of course.


Honestly? Your advantages aren't very advantageous. You can fit in tight spaces, move at vury high speeds, and soar weightlessly through the air.

Well lets see.. you're in a weak vehicle, there is little to no protection, and the overall size of your vehicle makes it difficult to do any splattering (despite this being its primary function).

[insert catchy sub-title]

Hit n' Run!

With such a small frame and little health most of your attacks will have to be hit and runs.
To execute a hit-n-run properly be prepared to lose your goose. Lots of ammunition is sure to fly in your direction, and has a good chance of flipping you off of the mongoose so you've got to remember that they won't destroy your mongoose for fun.. you can just keep coming back. ::twisted::
So the key idea is to:

  • Be at peace with losing your mongoose
  • Know that you might miss the target
  • Try to be as accurate as you possibly can